Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
