I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
