So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
