i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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