There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
