i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
