and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
