ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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