I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
