I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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