Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
