It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
