sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
