maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
