Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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