I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
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he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
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Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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