Porn is love you can see.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
