He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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