I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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