Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
