my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
