3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
