this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
