this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
