May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
