also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
