If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
