Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
