Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
