I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
