these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
