I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
