I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
