ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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