She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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