i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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