guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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