What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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