Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
