If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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