Ketchup is God's man juice
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize