I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
