I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
