yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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