Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
