he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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