Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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