Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
