I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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