he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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