cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
