I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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