I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
i think i just lost a toe
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
