u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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