Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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