Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
His hands were made for my vagina.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
