If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
we're making bets on your personal life
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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