I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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