There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
