He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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