Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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