I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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