If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
