I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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