he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
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I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
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Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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