You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
