in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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