First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
last night I used snow as a chaser
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
