it's too hot outside to masturbate.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
