I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
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