There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
