I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
