Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
