The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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