u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
