god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
