"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
