i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
