This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
