Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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