I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
