so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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