Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
