What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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