I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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