Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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